


how can i help you, please let me try to

by Duck_Life



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Insecurity, Intimacy, Making Love, Oral Sex, Past Sexual Abuse, Pillow Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:13:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22642399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duck_Life/pseuds/Duck_Life
Summary: Kira wants to know why Dax never asks her to reciprocate in bed.(written for the prompt kiradax + discomfort being intimate, cw: possible past abuse)
Relationships: Jadzia Dax/Kira Nerys
Comments: 7
Kudos: 82
Collections: Star Trek Femslash Prompt Meme





	how can i help you, please let me try to

**Author's Note:**

> I've read a lot of fics about Kira having trouble with intimacy but not so much about Jadzia having her own issues, so I wanted to take the prompt in that direction.

It doesn’t take long for sex with Dax to become one of Kira’s favorite activities. Jadzia is a master, moving up and down the length of her body, breathing love and life into sensitive spots Kira didn’t even know she had. 

Kira’s nights find her propped up on the pillows in Jadzia’s bed, gazing downward at that almost mischievous look on Jadzia’s face as she dips back down to lick and lip at Kira’s core. That tongue of hers is… “ _ athletic” _ might be the only way to describe it. 

But every night— “What about you?” Kira murmurs, burying her face between Jadzia’s neck and shoulder. “It’s your turn.” 

“I just want to focus on you,” Jadzia says, her deft hands tracing the curves of Kira’s body. “Let me take care of you.” 

And Kira’s usually too blissed out to argue. 

* * *

As time goes on, though, she’s beginning to feel awfully selfish. Jadzia is constantly making her feel so good. She wants to reciprocate. “Is it the ridges?” Kira asks one night, half-joking. She taps her nose. “Are you worried it would be a bumpy ride? Because I’m, I’m pretty good, you know. I’ve got references.” 

Jadzia laughs, the sound of it thrumming through her chest. “I believe you,” she says. “It’s just… For me, I like to make my partner feel good. I’m less interested in, ah. Receiving.” 

“Seems unfair to you,” Kira points out, but she shrugs and doesn’t push it. “... You’re sure it’s not just the nose?” 

“Of  _ course _ not,” Jadzia says, leaning over to plant a kiss on the bridge of Kira’s nose before moving down to her lips. 

* * *

“You’re a  _ genius _ ,” Kira says, frantically fumbling to peel off Jadzia’s uniform, still buzzing from the leftover vestiges of adrenaline after their hectic day. “You realize the whole station could’ve exploded if it wasn’t for you?”

“The whole station almost explodes every day,” Jadzia reminds her, undoing the fasteners on Kira’s uniform with just as much urgency. 

“Still.” Kira cups Jadzia’s face in her hands, torn between wanting to just keep admiring her and wanting to shower her in kisses. The latter wins out. “You’re so amazing,” she breathes in between pressing her lips to Jadzia’s, licking into her mouth, basking in the solid and glorious feeling of being in Jadzia’s arms. “I want… Jadzia,” Kira says, “I want to make you feel good.”

A shadow passes over Jadzia’s face. She smiles thinly. “I feel good right now,” she says. “I can show you, if you like.” Her fingers dance down Kira’s body, lingering on her breasts for a moment before moving lower to sweep over her hips. “Want me to show you how good I feel?” 

“You just saved the station,” Kira says, twining her hands behind Jadzia’s neck and guiding her back toward the bed. “You took care of everyone. Let me take care of you.” 

Want and panic chase each other across Jadzia’s face. “I’d rather take care of you.”

“But—”

“Nerys, please.” Jadzia’s playful tone has vanished, and she suddenly sounds completely serious. “I just… I don’t want that from you.” 

“Oh.” Kira’s shoulders droop as she processes that, zeroing in on those two little words— “from you.” Of course. Of course. Dax is over 300 years old. She’s been married, she’s bedded Starfleet legends. What can one angry, stunted ex-resistance fighter do to make a woman as experienced as Dax feel good? 

Jadzia seems to notice Kira’s reaction, and she frowns, taking Kira’s face between her hands. “Oh, honey, no,” she says softly. “That’s not what I meant. You’re… Nerys, do you even know how sexy you are? You drive me crazy. There’s days when I can’t even focus on work because you’re standing right there in Ops, looking gorgeous. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be with you.” 

“Then why—?”

“It’s not— ”

Kira interrupts her. “‘It’s not you, it’s me’?”

“It  _ is _ me,” Dax says, pushing herself upward in the bed so she can look at Kira stretched out beside her. She sighs, her breath brushing against Kira’s neck. “I don’t like being on the receiving end… with  _ anyone _ . The Dabo girls used to call me ‘Dax the Generous.’”

Kira laughs, but she still looks concerned. “Why though?”

Jadzia sighs again, tilting back to stare at the ceiling of her bedroom. “I’m not completely sure, but… I think it has to do with the lack of control. When I’m going down on someone, or… or giving oo-mox…” She flashes a grin at Kira, who rolls her eyes. “I’m controlling that— how fast, for how long. I’m in control.”

“It can be nice to lose control sometimes,” Kira says. 

Jadzia’s still staring at the ceiling. “Not for me,” she says. “There was…” She takes a deep breath. “When I was still a Trill initiate, I had a… there was a guy. He was… we were…” She stares upward. She chews on the end of a hangnail. 

Kira wants to reach for her, to hold her, to touch her, but she suddenly feels like that isn’t what Jadzia needs right now. 

“He made me feel like I wasn’t in control,” Jadzia says. “Like I couldn’t say no. Like I couldn’t stop when I wanted to, or… or change my mind.” 

“Jadzia…” Kira murmurs. “I’m…” What? Sorry? The words sound empty even in her head. 

“It was a long time ago,” Jadzia says, like that makes a difference. She rolls back on her side, her eyes dancing across Kira’s concerned expression, the way her brows draw together, the bow of her mouth. “But it’s just… that’s how I feel.”

“You know I would never—”

“Oh, of course I know that,” Jadzia assures her, patting Kira’s hand. Her hand lingers, moving up Kira’s arm to cradle the back of her head. “And I’ve known that about everyone  _ since _ him. But… it’s still there, that feeling. So that’s… yeah.” 

Kira bends forward to kiss her deeply. “Thank you for telling me,” she says. “I’m… I’m sorry I was so—”

“It’s okay,” Jadzia says. “And I’m… I’m not saying  _ never _ . I mean, Nerys, you’re the first person I’ve been in a long-term relationship with since I was joined. This is all new to me. Maybe one day I’ll feel safer, and I can… and things will be different, you know?” 

“I’ll look forward to it,” Kira says. “But… but I also understand if things never change. I just… I want you to be… I don’t want…” 

Jadzia kisses her, smiling against her mouth. “I know, Nerys,” she says softly. “I know.” She kisses Kira again, then kisses the corner of her mouth, her cheek, the soft space just beneath her ear. She scrapes Kira’s earlobe between her teeth, eliciting a loud gasp from Kira. “So,” Jadzia says, “do you want to get back to that ‘I Saved the Station’ sex?” 

“Yes please.” 

Jadzia hooks a leg over Kira’s waist and pushes herself upward, smiling down at her partner. “Tell me what you want.”

Kira takes a moment to revel in the feeling of Jadzia’s weight on her, holding her down, pressing against her. Then she says, “I want you to eat me out. To make me feel good, make me come.”

“I thought you’ve never ask,” Jadzia says, and she begins to slide lower, kissing a trail from Kira’s neck down to her thighs. Kira settles against the pillows and silently thanks the Prophets that, in all this chaos that is the universe, she and Jadzia managed to find each other. 


End file.
